Coach Krupt
Coach Krupt teaches young boys and girls the one subject that most relates to life as an adult.
That subject is pain.
Using the tried and true game of Bombardment, he shows children that pain and suffering brought on by those more powerful than you is just something you'll have to accept to get along in life.
Coach is looking for a woman who likes to watch little kids cry.
Goose Gladwell
He's weird. He's wacky. He wants to spend his time with your sons and daughters!
What could possibly go wrong?
Goose is a perpetual child who has as much trouble relating with fellow adults as he does spending all his millions.
If you're a single mother with impressionable kids, let this Gladwell give you a Goose.
Gunter and Ernst
Gunter and Ernst are a riddle, a question, an illusory mystery with no straight answer. They are Springfield's greatest magicians.
When they aren’t hitting on hotel workers or making their tiger Anastasia disappear, Gunter and Ernst enjoy the simple things in life... like poofy silk shirts and their collection of Judy Garland CDs.
They are just a couple of regular guys who like to hang out and drink mimosas from champagne flutes. So check out the flamboyant magic of Gunter and Ernst. They’ll make your heterosexuality disappear.
Roy
Roy is an enigma.
No one knows where he comes from. No one know what he does all day.
Even his last name is a complete question mark.
Sure, Roy might be the type of guy who wears sunglasses indoors, but he's a slacker with a heart of gold, that one... or two... lucky girls will never forget.
Jeff "Comic Book Guy" Albertson
As a single small business owner, Jeff is quite a catch. He's recently out of brief but hot and heavy relationships with both Seymour Skinner's mom and that "other" ex-girlfriend.
Jeff is looking for a beauty to his beast... or, more appropriately, a princess Leia to his Jabba the Hut. She has to understand his passion for comics, videogames, and a host of other things that no man in his late 30s should own. It would also be nice if she knew her way around the kitchen because he can barely fit in his anymore. Jeff has a lot of love to give, but he won't let anyone change him.
Pedro the "Bumblebee Man"
Pedro, better known as "Bumblebee Man", has been the face of Channel Ocho for almost 20 years.
When off the set, Pedro likes to live the quiet life, which is tough because he is sometimes prone to clumsiness... clumsiness that requires a very good health insurance plan.
Recently divorced, Pedro is looking for a nice girl who likes Chihuahuas and doesn’t mind getting stung from time to time.
Horatio McAllister
Horatio’s an old salt with a lot to offer a woman.
This small business owner lives for the sea, given that he captains his own ship and even his house floats.
After an unfortunate incident while piloting an oil tanker, he no longer drinks... or so he says.
Horatio is looking for someone who’s loves looking for treasure and isn’t afraid to get their hands dirty scraping barnacles.
Kang
Kang is six tentacles of fun. He owns his own interstellar spacecraft. When he’s not oppressing lesser species or herding humans into slave camps, he likes cooking and musical theater.
He’s a leader who’s not afraid to take what he wants in life... even if that means the extermination of all life on Earth.
Kang is looking for a girl who bastes herself regularly and doesn’t mind being eaten. Mind the gutter, please... yikes.
Disco Stu
Stu is a man who knows what he likes. An ex-sailor, Stu was transformed the day he heard the dulcet disco tones coming from a cheap radio at a mall photography studio. From then on, he was Disco Stu.
He’s an entrepreneur who has overcome so many of life’s obstacles, including a debilitating addiction to sugar.
Stu is looking for a really young woman who loves to boogie.
Duffman
Duffman is always the life of the party.
He's a muscular hunk with a sensitive side.
When he's not reading to alcoholics in a homeless shelter, he’s hawking his favorite brewed barley beverage at bars across America.
Duffman is looking for a girl with a high tolerance, a strong liver, and a good head on her shoulders.
